


Schrödinger

by SlaveToGravity



Series: The joy of experimentation - Joshler - [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ... - Freeform, Despair, Hope, M/M, Schrödinger's cat theory, corpse, morgue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 08:09:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9482216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlaveToGravity/pseuds/SlaveToGravity
Summary: When the cat's under the box, no one can know if it is alive or dead. Tyler just hopes it isn't dead.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there, fantastic people coming from everywhere, how's it goin' ? Good ? Keep being your best !

_They say that if you put a cat inside a box, with poisoned food, you can not see it is dead, but you can not see it is alive either. It is at a in between state, where humans are ignorant about the cat inside the box._  
_Tyler is ignorant._

          He searched for a long time now. Not knowing anything, being ignorant about which state of decompisition his friend was in right now. Was his friend, his best friend, alive and well ? Or was he dead, floating on his back in a cold river, watching obliviously the time passing by, destroying his heart and, surely, his entire body ? Maybe the water was keeping his skin, flesh and bones intact, clean under the clear water. Letting his yellow hair, which should be faded by now, following the direction of the torrent. Tyler wanted to know about Josh, he wanted to know if his friend, his lover, was alive or dead. So, because he didn't have any answers for any of his questions, he decided to think that Josh wasn't dead nor alive. In a in between state, where his heart was beating while being motionless. Because Tyler was ignorant.  
          He remembers the night, on february 12, a sunday, 2017, where Josh went away. It was the night, a cold night, too dark to go outside. Snow on the road, snow on the sky, snow on the yellow hair covering the pale face of his best friend. His friend was waiting outside, hungry, cold, teeth hitting each other in a repetitive manner, creating strange sounds Tyler thought were interesting. " _You don't have to go with me, Tyler"_ , " _You're sure ?"_ , " _Yeah. Stay here, stay all warm and fuzzy. I'll come back in twenty minutes with food, don't worry"_ , " _Thanks, Josh"_. Little words full of meanings, a kiss on the lips and a smile with white teeth, and Josh disappeared under the snow, taking their car with him. The red little car they bought when they moved together, the car they loved to travel with after every tour. The car they found, later, at the side of a lonely, deserted road, two-hundred miles away from their home, from their shelter, their safe zone, one week after Josh was supposed to go to the nearest Taco Bell. They found it carefully stopped, at the side of an unused road, without Josh. Without a note, without a clue, with nothing. Josh went missing.  
          He feels the sorrow he felt when Josh officialy went missing, at the end of the week they found the car. Sunday. Tyler never liked sundays. It got worst when he learned that his soulmate and bandmate was now one of the missing people the government was searching, his face on the bottles of milk, on the posters covering the old walls no one looked at anymore. He remembers the regret taking its place inside his heart, in the left side of his brain. The despair cursing through his veins, making his tears flood down his eyes. They burned his eyes,feeling like acid on his cheeks, marking his skin with their silver furrows, little invisible scars on his skin that only Tyler could feel, see, when his portrait was reflecting on the dirty mirror of his -their- bathroom. He always wanted Josh to be in good health. Now, he just wanted him to be alive, breathing enough, even the slightliest, for him to stay alive and wait for them to found him. But Tyler could only wish. He didn't know anything. Because, in fact, Tyler was ignorant.  
          After five months, tyler gave up. Physically, not mentally. He still had the hope that Josh would enter their apartement, smiling, yellow hair and chocolate eyes, tacos in hands, love in words.Tyler contemplated this idea every night, every day, every hour where he could breathe. He wanted to make Josh feel lovely, to show him how much he loved him, how unique the man was. Giving his body a long embrace, showing him how thankful he was for his own existence. A delightful taste of his love, his passion. The man, in his memories, dull, blurry memories, was breathtaking, worthy of any of his seconds, but maybe his memories were just a made up fallacy, built a long time ago to remember the man he will maybe never see again. Was he dead ? Was he alive ? Tyler may have given up physically, but he wanted to know, wanted to see. Because Tyler was stuck in a state of lack of knowledge he hated, because Tyler was ignorant.

_You can't know what the state of the cat is if you don't take away the box covering the animal inside. And it is when you finally decide to look under the box that you finally know the answer of your previous question. Or the cat walks out, meows, looks at you hungrilly, the cat is alive, or the cat doesn't move, doesn't meow, doesn't look at you, at anything. The cat is dead. And now you know the state of the cat. You are not ignorant anymore._  
_Tyler is not ignorant anymore._

          They called him a morning. July. The sun was burning his skin and sweat was cooling his back when he received the call. Mark. Tyler answered. A voice, Mark's one, Shaking, tedious at the other side of the line. " _They found him"_. Tyler didn't hear the next sentence. He ran. Ran, without the red car, to Mark's house. He knocked at the door. Mark opened, tears on his redish cheeks. Tyler didn't ask, didn't want to have answers to his questions. They ran to Mark's car and drove. They found their way to a building Tyler never saw. Grey, dirty, macabre. Tyler didn't ask again, scared, he stayed silent. He felt terrified. Hesitation took place in his mind as he walked to the entrance of the building. Mark talked for the both of them. Tyler followed. They walked passed doors, iron walls, their footseps echoing in the long grey and white corridor. The smell became awful. Mark gasped. Tyler felt nauseous. They entered the last room. Desolated walls, despondent colors, filthy sheets hanging at the edge of a stingy plastic table at the corner of the large room. Instruments covered in dirt and what seemed like old, dry black blood were laying on a little table at the side of an iron bed at the center of the room. A body, a corpse Tyler didn't want to see, to look at, was covered by a white and blue sheet, slightly dirty. Tyler wanted to vomit, to throw up the little he ate, almost nothing, yesterday. A man walked in. " _We found Josh"_ , " _Where ?"_ , Mark was the only one capable of talking. " _A man found him floating on the river around here. The water barely kept him intact. I am sorry for asking you this but you'll have to look at him. We really need to know if it is really him"_. He carefully took the sheet with his thin hands. Tyler didn't want to know. Josh may be under the sheet, dead. But he didn't want to see. Josh was dead... Or was he alive ? He couldn't know, yet he didn't want to know, to see, to take away the box covering the cat. The sheet slowly slipped to the ground. Mark threw up. Tyler froze, feeling his mind closing on him.  
          They called him a morning, made him come to building they liked to call morgue. They made him hope, then despair. They made him learn the truth, they erased his peaceful ignorance. They made Tyler see it. He saw it, everything. Rotten flesh at some places of thin, skinny body. Skeletal face with no mocha eyes, no pink lips, no white teeth. decomposed chest, arms, legs, erased tattoos, pierced skin, destroyed by the weather, eaten by worms, overused by the water that hold him all these months. His hair, so yellow, so colorful, were now sticking to his face, covered in dirt, glass, dark blood, dried from the sun. Tyler looked away. He didn't want to remember this Josh, with his dark, green, yellowish skin going in pieces, falling, detaching from the pale and decomposed flesh. He didn't want to remember those grey, dirty bones. He didn't want to remember the everlasting look of terror engraved on his skeletic face. The skin seemed to melt under the artificial light, the corpse looked like nothing, like it never was alive before. Tyler's vision became blurry, only hearing Mark's sobs and gags resonating in the empty room. Tyler couldn't smell anymore, couldn't talk, it seemed to him that he couldn't even take a simple breath.  
          " _Is it him ?"_ , the man asked, pity in his voice. " _Yes, yes, it is. It's him. God, please"_ , Mark asnwered, voice frail, shaking, vomit on his cheeks, his chin, tears staining his pale, greenish face. The man took the white and blue sheet and started to cover Josh. Tyler felt his heart burn, his mind tricking his eyes. He let out a small scream, a squeak, like a mouse trapped in a cage, and ran to the table, taking Josh's arm. He ran his fingers through his faded and gross hair, put his hands inside Josh's rib cage, took his heart and tried to start it, like a machine. His motionless heart, blackened by the time, eaten, mold covering it. " _Please,please, please, start, please, beat"_. Mark caught Tyler's back, trying to get him away. The man pushed Tyler away from Josh's body. Tyler fell, tears in his eyes, heart in his hands. He screamed, threw it away, tried to stand, failed, again and again, his legs uselessly trying to move. He screamed, yelled at Mark, at the man, at the lifeless black heart laying on the ground, red, brown and green liquid slipping on the white tiles. Tyler didn't throw up when he saw the black tar-like liquid on his hands, he didn't throw up when he saw the decomposed body of his best friend. But he threw up when he realised that he would never see Josh's smile, Josh's eyes. He threw up when he realised he lost his lover, his soulmate, his life.  
Bile escaping his mouth, translucid, acid liquid going out of his empty and burning stomac. Blackened heart and body falling apart in his mind, black goo on his hands, despair and loss in his heart, Tyler wished that, when he had entered the empty room with an awful ambiant smell, he would've never seen what was under the white and blue sheet. He wished he hadn't seen Josh's state of decomposition. Tyler didn't want to know anymore, he wanted to go back in time, when he was still wondering if Josh was alive or dead, when, for the entire world, Josh was both at the same time. Dead and alive.

_But if it is your beloved cat you find dead under the poisonous box, you would want to stay ignorant about your cat's state. Dead, alive, you wouldn't want to know anymore._  
_Tyler wants to stay ignorant._

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why, but I feel like I could smile for a whole day. The pain it would create on my cheeks would be a great manner to remember that my fudgin' life is a mess right now. But oh, well, smiling is a great way to feel better, I guess.
> 
> So, thank you for reading and everythin', you're the absolute best people, really, I owe you so much for just making me smile each time you read and you comment. Really, from the bottom of my kokoro, thank you.
> 
> And, euh... Sorry for the mistakes I left. I try, I swear, I'm just not that good.
> 
> Keep smilin', keep livin', everythin' will be alright my frens. Love ya'


End file.
